Courtship

I guess as a writer, who typically or should stay at home to write and read without distraction, but does so to be among the living, I love this place, where they also have salads. They may have a branch in WC, where I have heard music and poetry read.

 

What if you were sitting there and I thought you interesting? You seem substantial and intelligent. How else would I ever get to know you? How would we ever actually meet? Don’t we need such a neutral zone for our first date? Anyway, I am intrigued by this. I would love to see where you have your coffee and what kind you like.

 

As my title says, I am a cafe writer. In responding to me, are you giving me a chance to redeem myself?

 

I do see the word “sarcasm” in your repertoire. I always wonder about this in psychological terms. Inherently, it means to insult. All the pretty girls in grade school, who were dating other boys used it. It stems from intelligence and confidence. They were always that. My father died when I was 10, I guess I was sarcastic before that. So, when a woman is sarcastic with me, it triggers a kind of sadness, in memory of a free and easy time. I got everything I wanted. My father was a successful urologist, my mother a commercial artist and fashion model.

 

She “smoked regularly,” which seems not to have ever bothered her. She remains in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s.

 

I would love to know your artistic side, the painting perhaps?

 

I have never read The Greenage Summer, the title seems intriguing. When was the green age?

 

I either read and watched The Scarlet Letter or just watched it. Wasn’t it with a brunette actress as the woman who wanted to cheat with him. I can’t remember her name, but the storyline seems to follow less hopefully The Notebook, which of course is not truly hopeful either. The heart follows no rules but does feel them.

 

Twin Peaks and all Lynch’s movies are especially important to me as an artist. He makes me think about the importance of culture and the complexity of life.

 

I would like to listen to Sublime with you.

 

Beef jerky and cheese? That sounds like a logistical nightmare.

 

I am currently reading William Gass’ book On Being Blue in reference to your favorite color. I bought it because I opened it and the first words I read were: “What a page before was a woman is suddenly a breast, and then a nipple, then a little ring of risen flesh, a pacifier, water bottle, rubber cushion. Without plan or purpose we slide from substance to sensation, fact to feeling, all out becomes in, and we hear only exclamations of suspicious satisfaction: the ums, the ohs, the aha,” p. 17. He is talking about how talking about sex has to be about something else, because to speak of it exactly is to diminish what is arousing. Then he cites Henry Miller, who writes in such a way as to talk about something else entirely and yet it is really all about sex and how we feel and think, I guess because given our puritanical upbringing, that’s the only way we can enjoy it. It reminds me of another book by Wilhelm Stekel, where he talks about fetishism: At war with inner reality, p. 21.

 

The citation appealed to me because I am currently working on a piece about how women are responding to men.

 

I have no sense of humor. I am a Man Without Qualities, which by the way is another great book by Robert Musil.

 

Anyway, I go on. How was your cup of coffee?

 

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4 comments

  1. Very well written. Sexual and intellectual longing seem to intermingle in this piece. How women are responding to men? Hm… interesting to study. I think we women are very much afraid for being just perceived by men for our physical beauty, also afraid of aging and losing this. Lana Del Rey nails it (by now I have become an addict to her controversial and thought provoking songs!):

    “Will you still love me when I shine?
    From words but not from beauty”

    (from Old Money)

  2. Interesting reliance of women upon men’s perspective of them, but certainly accurate. Men are superficial. It feels like women are trying to adapt to a man’s world as a loner would in an environment that is in control by people, who only just view them physically. This implies that women are relegated to attractive and unattractive camps, where their economic, financial, and psychological status is affected. If they don’t cater to this hateful perspective and job qualification, they remain as outliers. And the only thing differentiating them is a chemical manifestation of how much estrogen or progesterone they had or perhaps it was a mere chromosomal play acted out. Women, for example, have all the requirements to play the game as men, but things about their looks will determine their success, where men are in positions of power to pass judgement and other women are also passing judgement given these rules are known, like morays, all must adapt to to succeed. It must frustrate smart women. And beautiful women, must continuously their employ their superficial features in maintaining status, that is clearly temporary.

    There is an equality between the genders, where men without the financial wherewithal, for example, are also powerless to play the game. As I mentioned, artists or those who understand all of this and refuse to play the game or simply can’t, remain in a dangerous place. Money and power assure success and you need lots of money to succeed. The system demands it. But, the system is rigged.

  3. I clearly refuse to play the game, which makes me a bit of an outcast. After all I am an artist’s daughter. Besides, I never was especially beautiful physically speaking compared to other women. Thank God! It saved me from becoming a merely object of sexual desire. Instead, I have used intellect, love, kindness and empathy to achieve things in life. I strongly believe these four things make us people more balanced saving us all from still worse. Also, when someone has a kind soul beauty appears on their faces too as Cicero once pointed out: “Imago animi vultus, indices oculi” ( the countenance is the portrait of the soul, and the eyes mark its intentions). By the way, good news: A blog follower of mine, Bill, the poet of infatuation, desire and unrequited love (I call him like this), has bought Blue Emptiness. Hope he likes your book. Last, I found this interesting link about How Safety and Physiology Affect Our Socializing: http://brendaknowles.com/how-safety-and-physiology-affect-our-socializing/


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