5 comments

  1. I agree with you. It is very difficult to meet with people where true feelings are shared through such dating apps. Some psychologists not working for those dating businesses say the following: Dating apps create addiction especially in people who are lonely, introvert and with very low self-esteem. In addition, profiles can be fakes.

    • Agreed. I really don’t think dating apps create an addiction unless their use of them is satisfying. They don’t work for me, thus the Pavlovian Bell is a muffled tin can in a dark alley, and I have all those things: loneliness, introversion, low self-esteem, and a fake profile… OK, my profile is not fake. 😉

  2. I have never used dating sites or apps in my life, but an introverted friend of mine told me they don’t work for him either. I think women have an added difficulty whether it is online or face-to-face interaction with men they are sexually attracted to. Although this is the MeToo age it is still expected that men make first moves and not that we chase them as Siri Hustvedt explains in her latest book Memories of the Future, page 70:

    “I would have chased the young philosopher into the street, leapt on him from behind, and tackled him to the ground, but I was far too well behaved to run after a man. I also remembered, still remember, the one time I grabbed a boy in college. We were sitting on a bed of dry autumn leaves when I lunged at him for a kiss. A moon was up behind the Magnus Student Center, and the air was chilly. But once kissed, the object of my desire turned sour. “I’m the one who’s supposed to do that,” he said.”
    “Lust is never pure; it is pushed and pulled into various shapes by the mutating forces of fiction that blow over us as surely as the winds on the prairie bend and buckle the trees to their will. I cannot remember that boy’s name, but he was tall and sandy-haired and well-rounded, which is to say conventional, so conventional that he turned down a girl he had been sniffing around for weeks because she had violated the man-goes-first rule and scraped his pride, which, in turn, wilted the boner I had spotted seconds earlier at his crotch. Arousal has its own curious logic, one I have never fully understood…”

    If a date between a man and a woman finally succeeds and it comes to sex, and, hopefully, to a complete love relationship, there is again an added problem, which is usually more complicated for the female gender. We women tend to have more difficulties to reach complete sexual pleasure and orgasms. We might even fake total pleasure if we are coming from a highly repressive culture with a wrong interpretation of whatever religion. We might also pretend having superorgasms because we do not want to disappoint our male partner. In addition, pornography videos show an absolutely distorted view of sexual relationships and so not just women, but also men and transsexual people have often false expectations. I notice this especially with young people, my students, for example. We women might not reach complete sexual pleasure also because of previous negative experiences like rape (see Orgasmic Dysfunction Causes (affecting especially women): https://www.healthline.com/health/orgasmic-dysfunction)

    However, in this Capitalist impregnated world, I strongly believe it is still possible to find love whether it is through one of those dating apps or sites (it worked for a person another friend told me), or just through our normal everyday life meeting with someone when you are perhaps not chasing them. Maybe it is a bit easier in my country where people tend to be less Capitalist and, therefore, less individualistic.


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