Blue Emptiness, a new book by Mario Savioni



Blue Emptiness

Blue Emptiness is a fresh and vulnerable observation of the human condition dealing with loneliness as a philosophical, psychological, and poetic account of the present. It reminds one of music and evokes feelings.
Blue Emptiness is intended for readers who enjoy poetry and short, succinct works, like Annie Dillard’s Pilgrim at Tinker Creek.
Blue Emptiness is Influenced by poets and novelists like John Asbery, Joan Didion, T. S. Eliot, Louise Gluck, Robert Hass, Louis Zukofsky and philosophers like Roland Barthes, Noam Chomsky, Heidegger, Karl Marx, Jean Paul Sartre, and Slavoj Zizek to name a few.
It is a love story sung by the disenfranchised.

Available in soft cover and electronic versions. 

Journalism is Dead; Truth is on Trial

If someone were to ask me why I wrote, “The Ticking Bomb,” (See: it is because my back is against the wall. The fact that nothing is sacred reflects my ego and the times. I have nothing but my reality to share or barter for the hope of a real job, this streaming video of my life, the unadulterated view.

Truth is on trial, the sacredness of one’s mother, the grossness and her disintegration, my own naked ambition to titillate and to question: Am I a good son as some have mentioned? There’s simply nothing left. I have stood before the burning car and offered not to help. I have carefully crafted the view of death and so shall my own be made the spectacle, in effect, to show others what not to say.

But there is no stone unturned in our open lives, where apparently every word is recorded for later incrimination. You’d be wise to check your words because big brother is watching. He is at your ear listening, determining your psychology, and seeing if you’ll tick like the last few seconds before you self-radicalize.

The truth is at stake in this age of open-sources. Every line of code is played and edited, so that the program of social contract doesn’t crash. The activists are taken out of the equation. In the end, no one in power wants the truth since they are holding the cards.

It has already been established that if you have all the money the game is over. At this point, I’ll have to shoot you because there is no other hand.

I slump over my last call like a man who has expended all his energy and resources. I work as a servant to the well connected.

Inevitably, it gets down to whom you know, and every member of most families is poor. They barter their arms and their legs and when those are gone, they barter each other.

I am trapped by what I should do as a son. I am trapped by what I must do as a member of society. I have no money to rescue my mother, myself. These are truly the last days, the open pleading to be spared, where everything that has been asked has been given.

I am lying here waiting for them. It is so quiet you can hear a pin drop or the clock ticking.

Sexism and How I Try to Act

In response to:

Until a man grabbed my balls in a parking lot and I was stuck at the mercy of his grasp, I had no idea what it must be like for women, who are similarly taken advantage.


Rather than do anything, I walked away as soon as I could, but I wanted to throttle him. He was bigger than I was, so I wasn’t going to throttle him. I felt ashamed and robbed of my dignity. Who would believe me if I told them? There were no police or witnesses. It was in the middle of a parking lot in the daylight on the other side of a low wall next to a busy street. On another occasion, a man who I was entertaining because my colleague and I had been photographing him for a major magazine grabbed me and kissed me. I felt pinned and violated. He misunderstood my gender preference and I was disgusted. Because this was a business relationship and I was helping my friend, I moved to end the event as soon as possible but not to embarrass him. As a man, I had no idea that this happened to men, at least not to me.


I feel for women, who cannot fight off a man, because as a fairly strong man myself, I understand the psychological effect of powerlessness, and someone taking advantage of me. I think it may be wrong to assume that this is sexism, per se, i.e., a man taking advantage of a woman is something that is only protected at work as with discrimination, but rather the sense of male privilege or superiority is key to understanding sexism. The definition of sexism alludes to what a friend said of rapists he represented as a paralegal, which is that: “They are just ordinary men who have no self-discipline.” Someone takes a chance, where in their mind, the desire is so strong as to diminish the possibility (in their mind) vs. the likely impossibility in the victim’s mind that such behavior is welcome.


The one time that I might have crossed over this line and felt like I did something wrong was when I was a junior in high school. I was in the back seat of a car driven by the father of the girl I was making out with. Her mother was in the passenger seat. Both parents were getting their PhDs in psychology. The girl and I were kissing wildly because at least for me, I had found the girl of my dreams and I was expressing that.


At a point in time, I included grabbing one of her breasts and I felt that she was stopping.


During the make-out session, I would look in the eyes of her father reflected back in the mirror. I felt it was a liberal situation, where the parents were OK with their daughter making out with the son of the girlfriend of their friend, who was also getting his PhD.


Anyway, the making out seemed wonderfully safe and authorized. After all, it was parentally chaperoned by two PhDs in clinical psychology.


It apparently went too far. The next day, I went to her house and her friends were there and I got the distinct impression that I was not welcome. She was hesitant to come near me and her friends seemed to be checking me out as the character in the story she must have told them. That was the end of it and I never saw her again and I felt then as I do now that I had gone too far and she felt ashamed and angry. Since then, I make damn sure someone is interested in me and I try to be sensitive to every nuance of their communication almost to the point that I do not make overtures to women, in general. I don’t see their interest or disinterest.


In a few of the videos I have had occasion to witness, I noticed that some women are in situations, where the men feel they can comfortably express their attraction toward the women, who have felt abused by the attention. I am of the school that men should behave like the men of King Arthur’s court and protect the honor of women. No woman, for example, should feel powerless against men, whose unwelcome desires are communicated. I am one of those men, who would rather remain single than enjoin a woman against her will.


Having said that, I cannot speak for other men. I do sense that our culture, the widening rich-poor gap, for example, is creating a situation, where men generally are feeling less and less powerful, where it has been stated among ethnicities, for example, where two are competing for the same thing, one applies a prejudicial notation, where in this case, the woman is perceived as weaker, someone to be taken advantage of, where the need to seduce or the need to get back the power lost is wielded against the person being perceived as a threat, as with that person having control over what they want, in this case, to have sex with, to be in control of what is controlling them, which is the object of their longing.


In all honesty, however, I have been a party to the admiration of a woman’s beauty to a point that has probably made her feel uncomfortable. There are lusts that I harbor that I wouldn’t dare share or act on because there is enough evidence that the action would be inappropriate or would garner an uncertain response.


In conclusion, I am not sure what the solution is to this problem of the victimization of women, but at least for me, I have chosen to act with conservation and remained sensitive to women’s wishes. A woman’s attraction for me is almost never clear unless it is blatant. It is at that point that I reciprocate her advances if I am interested.